I’m cringing so hard at that title, but also correcting myself for my conditioned ageism. I’m 51. I remember vividly being 15 and younger. I remember being 27 like it was yesterday. 35 is even clearer. How on earth am I now “mature aged”?
And what does that mean as a Counsellor? Especially considering the fact that I not only have to prove myself worthy among younger therapists who are innovative, newly educated, and more business savvy in our youth worshipping society, I now have to contend with AI and the possibility that ‘robots’ can do my job better.
I have been participating in the workforce in Australia since I was 13 years old. Most of that work involved listening and talking to others. Providing some kind of service, following instructions, solving problems, taking care of something. By the time I was 22, I was working with people experiencing crisis, absorbing their stress and pain, navigating my own and making sense of systems that either prevented or facilitated people’s safety and wellbeing. This has included witnessing and experiencing digital technology emerge and evolve at an exponential rate.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago, in the middle of a pandemic, while raising 3 primary school aged children, and experiencing the first symptoms of perimenopause and menopause, that I decided to go back to uni and get a postgraduate Masters in Counselling. Something I discovered, lots of older people were doing, especially women. Re-evaluating and re-defining our identity and our contribution to the world as our youth and responsibilities were shape shifting.
I studied and now work online, something that many are still uncomfortable with, but I have found it to be incredibly accommodating of my responsibilities of looking after my young kids, living in a part of Sydney that is lacking in Counselling employment opportunities, and my capacity as a maturing woman.
One thing I have learned is that no matter how old I get, the expectations of what I am supposed to contribute to the world as a woman; the obligations to caretake, compared to the recognition and remuneration available to me, is expanding. And at the same time, my visibility is dwindling. Just like at any age, we have to balance what others expect of us, what the cultural and social status quo tries to dictate, with what comes from within - what we desire, our bandwidth and how we want our life to unfold as we get closer to the end of it. I truly believe that this inner work, this uniquely human experience of ageing as a human woman (we are only one of a handful of species including whales, elephants and some primates, whose females live beyond reproductive age and experience menopause), is vital and AI is no match for that process. Or is it? It’s not like they haven’t erased and excluded the feminine experience before. Now they are programming and coding it.
How ironic that as we advance in medical, social and cultural acknowledgement of the importance of ageing women, reclaiming our rights against a backlash, continuation and resurgence of ever increasingly violent patriarchy, we now have technology to battle too. Maybe not ironic, but intentional. The new frontier for feminism is in the digital landscape.
For many women like me, who have decided they aren’t done living and working once they pass 45, and if they’ve had them, their children need them less (as if they’ll ever stop needing them), or their partners/spouses, parents, the community and whoever else benefits from the work of women (everyone; and who says what women’s work is anyway?), skilling up and creating something that serves both others and the self is the most logical answer. That is impossible without a presence online and to reiterate, it can work to serve our diverse and flexible needs. But we also know the unending and creative ways that we are pushed aside and out violently, online and in person. If we want to make the most of the second half of our lives as women, and especially as Counsellors, we need to learn the language, the rules and the landscape of technology and AI, so we can function, survive and thrive both within and outside of it.
I loved studying for my qualifications as a Counsellor. It reinforced my already vast lived and work experience, introduced me to healthier ways to approach caretaking, and provided me with the opportunity to achieve something I didn’t think was possible when I finished my undergrad - a postgraduate qualification and the opportunity to do work I cared about in the way I wanted to do it. A way that gives me better work/life balance, honours my wisdom and experience and gives me the earned autonomy, independence and self-determination I have always strived for. It also models what I want my kids to learn about ageing as a woman.
Using technology was a huge part of that. Some of my study and work occurred during lockdowns, alongside the kids as they navigated home schooling. Now I have eliminated time away from home, travelling and working in an office, so I can be present and manage the household until they are independent. However, using technology as a tool to free us is very different to allowing it to replace us. To this day, other than a superficial dalliance with Grammarly to help me write essays succinctly, and efficiently reach my word count, I have not used AI at all. Not on my social media, not my website, not my blog writing and certainly not in the therapy room. I have had clients bring in ChatGPT results that they have obtained from asking self-reflective questions, but again, it was a tool to prompt our discussion. The connection, rapport, motivational questioning, and emotional/cognitive navigation, the transformative process of Counselling - that was all us. Me and my client, not AI.
Being a Counsellor does NOT reciprocate my energy, effort, knowledge and input financially the way other professions could, but I knew that going in. Let’s face it. We live in a world where doing Only Fans pays women more than being a Counsellor. I would imagine this is true for most Counsellors, and being a woman or a sex and gender diverse person exacerbates that. That’s not an accident. Misogyny, the de-valuation of feminised work and the privilege bestowed upon heteronormativity and masculinity is by design. Men are Counsellors too despite it being a traditionally female dominated industry, so hopefully the profession will continue to grow for everyone, and we aren’t replaced the way a lot of women’s labour is appropriated by men once it has been completed. Or worse, replaced by AI which is not good for anyone.
I truly believe that being an older Counsellor, having studied for my qualifications at a later age than just after finishing high school, and having all that lived and employment experience already solidified to inform the way I approached my studies is a huge benefit; not only to me but to my clients and colleagues too. Living in the world as a woman is also important and imbues our practice with a unique understanding of adversity and marginalisation that is invaluable in Counselling. Diverse experiences are crucial to therapy, but over correcting into universalising and essentialising the subjective experience by creating digital replacements for human experience, connection and interaction is dangerous.
I think I am a better Counsellor coming to the profession as a mature woman, than I was when I was practising in similar roles in my 20s and 30s. Being a parent has helped, having passed the age of reproduction and releasing the pressure of having to perform for the patriarchy - something I never wanted or did well anyway - makes me a formidable mental, emotional and behavioural health practitioner. I can see through every pretence, I accept and nurture every presentation, I have the patience that only comes with years of challenges, learning and maturing. Mature is not a dirty word, neither is ageing, old, or like my kids like to say, being a colossal fossil. I think we are all born old; old souls that eventually our bodies and brains age to inhabit properly. We don’t really fit our being until the latter years of our lives, after we have lived it. AI can mimic that but it will never be authentic. It will eliminate the necessary and valuable mess required to get to that place. You can’t skip that bit, you need the entire convoluted picture, the unpredictable, the confusing and the, well…the human.
Now, I will clarify too, that this doesn’t mean that young Counsellors can’t do the job. They absolutely can. I know because I started young. In my 20s I had the energy, enthusiasm and optimism that is vital for this kind of work. Us in our 20s in the 1990s, Gen Xers, saw the world differently to our Boomer predecessors, and it is the same now. The things I observe and hear from the Gen Ys (Millenials), the Gen Zers and Gen Alphas astound me, in a good way. Every generation’s relationship with therapy and technology is different. The one thing we all have in common is our humanity.
I insist that our role as older Counsellors is to guide younger practitioners, lead by example, and help preserve their forward thinking insights to ensure that we preserve those perspectives that move the profession and our clients’ development forward.
Perhaps my reflection feels like I want to defend something. Speaking up for maturity and humanity so it doesn’t get ignored and neglected, the way our society conditions us to always want what is new, innovative, fresh and young. That stuff is invigorating and necessary. But it must co-exist with what has been and already is. We need now more than ever to value our relationships with each other, but especially with our elders, in the Counselling profession and beyond. Learning and progress means looking back sometimes to see what has been done that works and where things could be improved. Remembering that the tools we invent to assist us don’t work properly without ethical oversight, accountability and always the intention to do good, to nurture and protect, and to advance humanity. Not control it, oppress it, or as we see examples of every day, strive to destroy it. That’s a traumatic response not a healing one!
Counselling is an important part of our salvation as a species. Because every time we support one person to reflect on and make peace with their lives and themselves, it’s another seed planted to ensure caretaking and wellbeing. The challenges we face individually to maintain humanistic and existential balance within our profession, contributes to and ripples out into the world around us. Perhaps Counselling is the antidote the world needs to the destructive aspects of AI.
If you are looking for a mature and experienced HUMAN therapist, you can book a free introductory session with me here.
I look forward to meeting you.
*No AI was used in the writing of this blog.
