Recovery from Crisis Events
I have been thinking a lot about how to support clients when traumatic events happen. These days it is impossible to avoid witnessing the extent of tragedy happening in our world. It is easy to feel like there is no escape from disaster, both natural and human made. The obligation to contribute to doing something about it can make us feel burdened and ashamed, like it is out of our control.
Mass shootings, domestic violence, homicide, war and natural disasters seem to dominate news cycles and social media feeds. I find I have to make a deliberate effort to look for positive things online, and they do exist. Things like art, comedy, science, music, philosophy, gardening - they’re the kinds of things that interest me. Switching the devices off and curling up with a good book, going outside or taking a nap are a healthy and necessary option too.
At the same time, we can’t ignore these events and when consumed sensibly, they not only keep us informed about the reality of the world, near and far, it expands our empathy and puts our own lived experiences into perspective. And our voices, our choices do matter.
When tragedy hits closer to home; the death of someone close, relationship breakdowns, accidents or illness, financial trouble, or destructive natural events like flood or fire, we experience being directly in the eye of the storm. Tragedy can feel somewhat distant and removed when we watch it on a screen, however, when it happens to us, we need ways to absorb the initial shock, process our thoughts and emotions, and make concrete choices about our decisions and behaviour going forward. It takes attention and work to recover and move on.
For most people, turning to their loved ones for support is the most natural thing to do. Ideally, we have kin and community that can provide support and solace, especially if they themselves are going through the crisis alongside us. Tragedy can unite people, bringing out the best in human qualities as a survival mechanism, like care taking, listening, commiserating and empathising.
Sometimes though, there can be a saturation. When a tragic event occurs, and the people around us are themselves in a state of shock or trauma, leaking sorrow onto one another only exacerbates the situation, causing more harm and prolonging the recovery period.
Additionally, we sometimes experience tragedy that feels isolating and lonely. Even if we know that there are people who may have experienced something similar, or are in a strong and capable state to support us, it might not be the right time or the support is inadequate for our needs. Their input can feel like interference. It might be given with good intention, but received with defensiveness. It might not be given with good intention at all, and might instead be a way for them to experience that sense of relief we can feel when someone is in a worse situation than us, commonly known as Schadenfreude.
Sometimes, turning to the people around us for support in a time of grief makes us feel worse. There isn’t enough distance or objectivity to allow space for the full spectrum of our emotions and there are too many conflicting interests and biases that prevent clarity and recovery.
That’s when a professional can help. If you have experienced or witnessed a tragic event, whether this is shared with others or is something that you went through alone, a courageous and responsible way to address how it is impacting you is to talk to an objective Counsellor. You not only avoid curating and censoring your interactions to protect yourself and others, so your difficult feelings don’t pollute otherwise healthy relationships; you also give yourself the grace, respect and freedom to get to the heart of the issues in a safe, confidential, guided and protective space that has containment and structure.
This means you have the opportunity to give your experiences the attention and time they deserve, without the process being interrupted and affected by your day to day life. And vice versa. Your every day life can feel separate to the grief and anguish you might be feeling so you can safely compartmentalise and get on with living well.
It isn’t that clear cut of course, and human beings are complex. In an ideal world, our lives can be a blend of what we are experiencing moment to moment, with the freedom of choice to function at whatever capacity we have at any given time. But that isn’t easy and it is rarely practical, accommodated or even desireable.
No one wants to feel overwhelmed at work, with their kids or amongst their friends. It doesn’t feel good not knowing where to put heavy feelings during a crisis. Bottling it up isn’t healthy either and it doesn’t work.
There is no shame in needing a place to talk candidly about how you feel, without judgement or adverse consequence. The place to do that is in the therapy room.
Try it with me for half an hour. It’s cost and obligation free and then you can decide if you want or need more.
Please reach out if you have any questions.
I look forward to meeting you.
