Lived Experience

It is very common for people who become Counsellors to have experienced adversity throughout their life. It’s almost as if having gone through difficult times and come out the other side, implores people to want to share that wisdom, strength and survival with others. We want to offer support and perhaps provide the guidance that we either didn’t get or that got us through the difficult experiences.

Sometimes wanting to do this work comes from feeling like you want to do something meaningful and profound with your life. People that want to make a lot of money, gain prestige or acknowledgement, or only enjoy the good things in life DON’T become therapists. Believe me, something else calls people to this profession and it is not a desire to travel down easy street!

For me personally, I became a Counsellor as it seemed like the most natural thing to do after many years of working in supportive fields and navigating life from a place of curiosity and empathy, even when I experienced hardship and adversity. I always had a strong sense of justice and fairness, I wanted to protect others who were disadvantaged, and I developed strong ideals and values that I was proud to stand up for, both for myself and by advocating for others. I made choices that seemed like the right thing to do, even if it was often the most challenging and less rewarding option.

Lived experience refers to the events in our lives that we go through individually and the subjective perspective we develop as a result. The human condition, the things we all have to go through, no matter how privileged or disadvantaged we are by luck of birth; how rich or poor, how connected or isolated; are often universal - we can all relate to them in one way or another.

For example, we will all likely lose someone we care about to death by ageing or illness, we all have to navigate access to resources through material wealth or lack thereof, we all have or have had parents, we all have relationships with other humans, and we all need to eat, sleep and breathe. We have common experiences shaped by lots of different factors that can be opportunities for unity and empathy. Sometimes the differences are vast and cause the most confusion and lack of understanding about the human condition, and these are often human made, like material privilege, bigotry and judgement.

People who are suited to this kind of work find meaning in being human, balancing between stripping away the things that divide us, while acknowledging that those differences can impact how we move through our lives, especially at times of crisis.

I could list the adverse experiences that I have had in my 50 years of life that others might want to access to gain insight and guidance. When you are enduring something difficult and need support, talking to a Counsellor who not only has experience in the field, has studied and trained extensively, and is part of an ever growing mental and emotional wellbeing profession, but has also been through similar experiences and made it to the other side in one piece, can feel protective and secure. It builds trust and confidence when the Counsellor you are talking to about your issues, has been through it themselves.

I don’t publicly disclose my own personal experiences very often for a number of reasons. These days people seem to divulge a lot of personal information, particularly online and on social media, but I have found in person too. I feel it’s unprofessional for me to give intimate details about my personal experiences. It simply feeds voyeurism, exploits my suffering and centers my life and identity with little to no benefit to me or any potential clients.

However, should I navigate scenarios with a client that are familiar or that we have in common, as the therapeutic alliance grows, sensitive, appropriate and subtle self-disclosure can build trust, empathy and resonance that fosters a greater connection and therapeutic alliance. This encourages a healthy and transformative exchange between the Counsellor and client.

There is always an obligation on my part to be aware of conflict of interest, transference and countertransference. I have to be conscious of centering the needs and safety of the client first, before including personal details into the process. It is often best to only share the very bare minimum and always through a lens of building rapport and benefiting the process and the client.

Clients will get a sense of what my lived experience is as they get to know me. Sometimes you don’t have to say much or go into too much detail to show others what you know and what you have experienced. One of the things that happens in Counselling is called resonance; the feeling that the person sitting across from you understands, feels and knows what you are talking about. The client feels like the Counsellor just gets it.

If I don’t know or want more information, my lived experience, but also my professional experience, my education and my training in this field, has equipped me with the curiosity and the skill to be able to find out. It is in the not knowing that I can facilitate a client’s ability to tell their story so that we gain a shared understanding of the issues and themes that the client has brought to Counselling. This in turn leads to us arriving at awareness, clarity and solutions together. As a Counsellor, I can do this through deep listening, motivational questioning, paraphrasing and clarifying, and letting the process and the narrative unfold according to the needs and pace of the client.

When I started writing this post, I considered detailing some of my personal lived experiences to encourage potential clients to reach out to me, but I don’t think it is appropriate or necessary to do so publicly. I can say that I have lived a complex and unique life (just like many others), that I think potential clients will relate to and can gain resources and insight from through our therapeutic relationship.

Without going into detail and in alphabetical order, these are some things that I have had lived experience in, either directly or through close proximity. Don’t speculate which is which. Just know that as a client you can bring these issues to our Counselling sessions, confident that I will have extensive knowledge about and am comfortable addressing the following issues:

Anxiety

Child sexual abuse

Chronic and terminal illness diagnosis and management

Depression

Disability

Domestic and family violence

Drug and alcohol use/misuse/dependence

Employment and education

Gender, sexuality and transition

Grief, bereavement and loss

Identity crisis

Migration and acculturation stress

Neurodiversity

Parenting

Pregnancy and birth (including multiple birth)

Religious trauma

Reproductive health

Relationship breakdown, separation, rupture and repair

Sexual assault

Workplace injury

If you are interested in a conversation about what my service can offer you and how we can do this work together, please reach out through the Contact page on my website.

I look forward to meeting you.